How to spice up your life

I lost interest to write.
Well in fact, I lost interest in many things – to draw, read books, make jewelry. My life is dull.

Oh my! What have I done to myself?

*quickly googling

*get results

 
Well, interesting.

• Create a dream journal. – I actually bought a planner (for the 1^st time in my life). But as of today 20^th Jan, it’s still empty. 
• Do at least one extraordinary thing every day. – Ermm like what? Jump off the roof? 
• A difficult conversation should take place. – But some things are better left unsaid.
• Write a list of gratitude. – Did this before. Ok, I’ll make a new list for 2020
• Ask people you know to name your best qualities. – Naah~
• Make new friends. – A big NO. My existing bestfriends are already good enough. Also, I have trust issue.
• Mind your body. – I dance/zumba regularly, so this is fine.

Over the last few months, I’ve been trying to adapt to a new routine. I left the place that I love, moved back to hometown, started a new job – half-heartedly. And still trying to accept, to love this place, this job and this new routine.

And the hardest is - to ignore the feeling of losing.

From google, I came across this website - https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/9-awesome-tips-to-spice-up-your-life/ which in a way, I feel better to know there are many people out there having/had been in the situation where we feel missing out on life.

So these things to do might help us (read: ME) to rise up:

1) Make a Bucket List
He said - write down all the things you want to do before you die! So, gamble in Las Vegas maybe?

2) Travel
Since 2 years ago, I set a goal to go holiday in every 2 months. Did it successfully (almost) for these 2 years. My next holiday will be in March. Yeah can’t wait!

3) Express/Create
 I should start painting again and express my feelings in poems.

4) Connect

I connect with strangers in Twitter and sometimes scrolling on Facebook. I am still single at this age, should I start with Tinder? HAHAHA!

5) Learn/Read
Bought 3 new books in October and still haven’t start reading it. Pfft!

6) Break the Pattern
I had changed my pattern (routine) about 3 months now and still adapting it.

7) Balance
My current job doesn’t consume my after office-hour time. Thank God I can go home on the dot and spend time with my kitties.

8) Simplify
Don’t think too much. Stop making world more complicated. If there’s nothing much you can do to make things better, just let it flow and learn from it.

9) Live in the Present
No regret about the past and don’t worry about the future. There are reasons why I am at this place and at this time. Fate has brought me here and I should have faith in it. I will appreciate every little thing that’s happening.

More than 3 months has gone, I didn’t notice (well I do sometimes but just ignored) that my life is getting faded along with myself and has taken its toll on me. I am feeling up and down all the time and I guess, I will give me some more time to get use of this new start and give a try on the tips.

At least now, I am writing again. Yeaheyy, I did it!

It’s 25k!

THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT. THIS IS A LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE BASED ON MY OWN EXPERIENCE. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After waking up from an afternoon nap on last Saturday, the pain at my back-left had worsened. It started to feel more pain on the day before but I just ignore, hoping it will go away soon. But as it became unbearable, I rushed to the nearest private hospital (because I can’t find any government hospital nearby). 

The M.O started to examine, did blood test, urine test and X-ray then found out I had a UTI (which is normal for women). Dr. Oncall had been notified, he came and did further check-up and then, I got myself warded. And of course, it was after getting a GL from my company insurance. I know I wouldn’t have enough money to pay the bills by my own pocket. Pfft!

The next day, I did a CT scan and later the Doc detected I had an inflamed appendix. OMG I never expected that! And surgery needed to be done ASAP. *crying inside* 

At 10pm, I was wheeled to the OT. I remember that I was shivering because I felt very nervous and the AC was too cold. The anesthetist gave injections (sakit gila namati) before I totally unconscious. The moment I awake, it was after 12am. Alhamdulillah the surgery went well. But I can’t sleep the whole night because it was damn painful 😣 

To cut the story short, I was hospitalised for 4 nights. On the discharge day, after a nurse told my bill was ready, I happily went down to collect it and excited to go home soon. Yeay! 

At the counter, the guy showed the documents and I was shocked to see the total bill is 25k!!! OMG medical expenses are getting more and more expensive. And the more shocking was, the company insurance only cover 6k!!! OMG can you imagine??!! How to find another 19k?? 

Ya Allah, rasa gelabah masa tu! I called the insurance company and asked why this why that and all he said was, there are some sub claim t&c and this is written in the policy. OMG help me!! 😩

When I realised that nothing can be done, I took out my Prudential card and asked them to re-apply. It was already 3pm at that time, I headed back to my bed and waited patiently. Not really patience because I can’t remain calm. There’s still a possibility that Prudential can reject and refuse to pay. My heart was beating fast. I tried to sleep but I can’t clear my mind. I tried to be optimistic but there’s doubt inside. I can’t eat because I was too anxious. Until 8pm, there’s still no news. 

OMG. I could die waiting. 

Finally at 9pm, a nurse asked me to go to the counter to get my bill. I walked down nervously and counted a prayer on every steps I took. When I reached the counter, they were quite busy so I had to wait a while. Once a guy took a seat, I quickly asked “is everything covered”? He glanced over the documents and said, “YES.” Prudential covered ALL! Ya Allah!!  I was so relieved, syukur Alhamdulillah. 

At last, I can go back home and have a nice sleep again. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm sharing this story to let you know that company insurance is always shitty and unreliable. There are many chances that we were given no choice but end-up in a private hospital. So, we must be ready at anytime. 

My advice is - go get yourself a personal medical card! 

Redha...?

Definisi: /réda/ dgn ikhlas; rela. meredai menerima sesuatu dgn reda; merelai

Redha bukan bermakna tiada tangisan, tetapi adalah penerimaan TANPA sebarang persoalan atas ketentuan Tuhan.

Kalau itulah maksudnya redha, semestinya aku belum sampai ke tahap itu.

Dugaan kali ni tak sama macam apa yang aku pernah rasa. Diduga dalam perhubungan, masalah duit, pasal kerja, semua tu aku cepat redha dan paling lama pon mungkin seminggu untuk aku rasa serabut. Tapi kehilangan orang yang paling aku sayang dalam dunia ni, sangat sangat berat.

Dah sebulan Mak pergi. Dan masih lagi setiap kali bangun tidur, aku terdetik “betul ke Mak dah takde?” “kenapa Mak pergi?” Masih lagi aku tanya kenapa. Kenapa? Banyak lagi benda yang aku belum buat untuk Mak. Aku nak balik tinggal dengan Mak, nak bawak Mak pegi holiday, at least sekali dalam hidup ni nak pegi Mekah dengan Mak. Tapi semua tu dah takde peluang untuk aku lagi. Mak is really gone, forever.

Kalau dulu bila tengok ada orang post kat FB pasal rindu kat arwah mak dorang, aku pernah terfikir – “How does it feel?” “Macamana kalau mak da takde dalam hidup aku?” Takutnya nak imagine perasaan tu. Dan sekarang, aku masih tak percaya it’s happening. This is what I feel now. The feeling is indescribable. It’s terrible.

Bukan nak mempersoal Qada’ dan Qadar. Bukan nak marah kat Allah. Bukan nak meratap sepanjang hari. Cuma aku akui, ye aku belum terima sepenuh hati. Sebab tu aku masih ada persoalan ‘kenapa’. Sebab aku harap aku masih ada banyak masa dengan Mak. Aku tak bersedia untuk kehilangan ini. Aku tau, memang sampai bila-bila pon aku takkan pernah bersedia. Tapi mak pergi terlalu mengejut. Dalam keadaan aku benar-benar tak sedia, betul-betul tak sangka.

Lagi 3 hari birthday Mak yang ke 73 tahun. Ni gambar taun lepas masa aku belanja Mak makan kek kat Secret Recipe. Mak tak suka makan manis-manis, so beli 1 slice je kongsi 2 orang. Slalunya kalo birthday, memang takde celebrate besar-besar, kitorang just pegi makan-makan camni. Simple. This simple thing that I realize is a big thing now.

Happy Birthday Mak!

Camana ye nak sampai tahap redha tu? Aku tak kata aku tak redha langsung, cuma aku tak bole tipu yang aku tak 100% merelai pemergian Mak. Tapi aku ikhlas untuk Allah ambik Mak kembali.

Ikhlas tapi belum redha? Entahlah.
I think I just need more time to accept. I’m trying. Slowly, one day.

InsyaAllah.