Al-Fatehah

In my last post, I told a story about my Mak. A little bit of her life. I said, she’s gonna be 73 years old and Alhamdulillah she’s still in a good health. But apparently, Allah has a better plan. HE took her back 2 days after that post. 

It was so sudden. She just had a short of breath and immediately stopped breathing after about an hour. Earlier that evening, I called her and we talked as usual, she said she has eaten and was chit chatting with my aunt who had just arrived from Sabah. But after Isya’ she started to feel pain and it’s getting worse, I quickly drove back home. When I arrived at 1230am, there were already many people, reciting Yaasin for Mak. I saw her laying in the middle of the house, body fully covered. I didn’t get to see her before she closed her eyes. Till this moment, I still couldn’t believe that she’s really gone. 

How to live without Mak? 😞

How to accept that someone who always be there to love me, to scold me, is no longer in this world?

I know it takes time to fully redha, while I’m in the process to accept, adapt and adjust my life. 

Accept that nobody will wait for me at home. 

Accept that I can’t call her anymore. 

Accept that I no longer can eat her cooking. 

Accept that she had left me. 

This would be the  last time I called this number

And in my prayer after solat, I usually said;

“Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa ibuku, Rokiah binti Othman, panjangkanlah umurnya dan berikanlah dia kesihatan yang baik”

That’s what I’ve been saying for more than 20 years. But now, I need to adapt to;

“Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmatMu ke-atas roh Mak...”

Dan kadang-kadang, aku masih tersasul. 😞

Next week, I’ll be back to work. Although I don’t want to but I have to. I still unsure how to do it. 

And my mind still thinking, what’s next? Where should I be? I don’t know. 

Ya Allah, please guide me and I ask You to show me what’s best through Your knowledge. Hanya padaMu aku bermohon dan hanya padaMu aku meminta pertolongan. Amin~

Al-Fatehah to my beloved Mak, Rokiah binti Othman. You will always be remembered in my heart ❤️